full hearts

my heart is full and happy. my little girl turns one today. it seems in no way possible that an entire year has past she since made her debut. my mind is flooded with memories of what we were doing on this day last year as we eagerly waited her arrival.  at this time last year i was standing on the brink of the unknown. i was moments away from becoming a mama. moments away from seeing the sweet little faces that would change my life for an eternity. moments away from welcoming my campbell hope into my arms and from kissing goodbye to my parker grace.

this past year is filled with so many wonderful memories. even the colicky memories are wonderful {now}. so many firsts: first car ride, first bath, first smile, first plane trip, first time to sit up.... it has been such a blessed year. i have been stretched farther than i ever thought possible. i have been apart of a story much bigger than myself. i've learned an entirely new depth of love. i've also learned an entirely new depth of loss. i still can't understand why i'm not celebrating two baby girls birthdays today - but i trust. i trust that our story is part of something bigger. it has to be.

despite an underlying twinge of loss... i am deep down happy. happy & blessed. blessed by this little life that i get to mother. blessed to have a healthy baby girl. blessed by the new lessons in this adventure of motherhood i get to learn (and relearn) everyday. happy because of her smiles & giggles.  happy because of spirit & passion. happy because i know that even though parker isn't here today, she is. she always will be. she is a part of our family and her sister's life forever.

Campbell Hope- Happy first birthday baby girl. My wishes for you on your first birthday are endless.  I wish for you love and life. I wish for you a spirit of adventure.  I wish for you to know who you are, to appreciate those around you and what you have. I wish for you to be a giver....to make everyone's path you cross just a little sweeter. I wish for you confidence. I wish for you joy & laughter. I wish for you a lifetime full of friendships...friendships that last through the various journeys of life. I love you baby girl. Thank you for such a wonderful, joy-filled year. 


Parker Grace- Happy birth day baby girl. I have no idea if they have birthdays in heaven, but I'm believing that today you are being treated to an incredible birthday party.  Even though you couldn't join us in our celebration on Sunday... I know you were here.  My wishes for you were endless, but have already been fulfilled. You are now in the fulness of heaven. You are perfect... you are healthy and you are complete. You can crawl and cruise and walk all over heaven with your buddies. I love you baby girl. And while I long to celebrate with you today, I'm believe that you are having the grandest of all birthday parties. I love you baby girl. Happy birth day.