full hearts

my heart is full and happy. my little girl turns one today. it seems in no way possible that an entire year has past she since made her debut. my mind is flooded with memories of what we were doing on this day last year as we eagerly waited her arrival.  at this time last year i was standing on the brink of the unknown. i was moments away from becoming a mama. moments away from seeing the sweet little faces that would change my life for an eternity. moments away from welcoming my campbell hope into my arms and from kissing goodbye to my parker grace.

this past year is filled with so many wonderful memories. even the colicky memories are wonderful {now}. so many firsts: first car ride, first bath, first smile, first plane trip, first time to sit up.... it has been such a blessed year. i have been stretched farther than i ever thought possible. i have been apart of a story much bigger than myself. i've learned an entirely new depth of love. i've also learned an entirely new depth of loss. i still can't understand why i'm not celebrating two baby girls birthdays today - but i trust. i trust that our story is part of something bigger. it has to be.

despite an underlying twinge of loss... i am deep down happy. happy & blessed. blessed by this little life that i get to mother. blessed to have a healthy baby girl. blessed by the new lessons in this adventure of motherhood i get to learn (and relearn) everyday. happy because of her smiles & giggles.  happy because of spirit & passion. happy because i know that even though parker isn't here today, she is. she always will be. she is a part of our family and her sister's life forever.

Campbell Hope- Happy first birthday baby girl. My wishes for you on your first birthday are endless.  I wish for you love and life. I wish for you a spirit of adventure.  I wish for you to know who you are, to appreciate those around you and what you have. I wish for you to be a giver....to make everyone's path you cross just a little sweeter. I wish for you confidence. I wish for you joy & laughter. I wish for you a lifetime full of friendships...friendships that last through the various journeys of life. I love you baby girl. Thank you for such a wonderful, joy-filled year. 


Parker Grace- Happy birth day baby girl. I have no idea if they have birthdays in heaven, but I'm believing that today you are being treated to an incredible birthday party.  Even though you couldn't join us in our celebration on Sunday... I know you were here.  My wishes for you were endless, but have already been fulfilled. You are now in the fulness of heaven. You are perfect... you are healthy and you are complete. You can crawl and cruise and walk all over heaven with your buddies. I love you baby girl. And while I long to celebrate with you today, I'm believe that you are having the grandest of all birthday parties. I love you baby girl. Happy birth day.

i coco... i funny

so what do you get when you combine 4 kids age 9 mos to 6 years, two bf's, a lost pit bull, a small town in OK, a homeless man, random animal cages, a giant mud puddle and a play date / photo session? one freaking hilarious afternoon, that's what. AND some super cute pics.

recently one my bf's, carissa, (who is not only one of my bf's, but my photog mentor) and i decided we should do some mom/kid pictures while i was in tulsa visiting my parents. you really just have to read this post to get the full picture. hilarious. and fun. and i think we snapped some really good pictures. And i think those pics captured the craziness.

and just a side note... carissa paints my child as a sweet sleeping angel. i'll admit it...on the way out there she was. the way home was a far different story. carissa - if i need to pay for your children's hearing aides from my child's rage out / meltdown on the way home i will. so sorry.

PS: if you don't have children and want some good, cheap birth control, read the post...it might do the trick. OR if you are thinking of having a bunch of kids, read the post...it'll sway you one way or the other. Me personally... bring on the craziness of a big family. i loved every minute of it!

A visit to the pumpkin patch. Another parenthood adventure...

I had such high hopes.
Seriously. The weather and company were perfect. I compared pumpkin patches, sought out patch advice, mapped out directions, checked out prices, planned snacks, nursing, naps around the timing. The whole adventure was planned around college football games.  I charged my camera battery. I even made a pumpkin onesie, people.  I was ready. I could just see the photo opps running through my head. (Christmas card potential, perhaps??) I was so excited. Seriously excited.  This was my first ever pumpkin patch visit. I just knew C was going to have a blast. (As much of a blast as a 3 month old can have at a pumpkin patch)
It was going to be the perfect memory...

Well....it just wasn't her day. It all started when she had major spit up all over her pumpkin onesie. No worries, I had a cute back up outfit planned ... big brown flower bow & leopard tights. Adorable. (She looked more ready for a shopping trip to nordstroms than a pumpkin patch but whatever.)

Little did I realize how cold this "fall-esque" day really was. Did I think to pack C a jacket? No - it didn't match the outfit. Did I think to put a hat on my baby?  nope. Did I even put socks on my baby? No. You would think I could figure out how to dress my child for a cold day. When my friend's husband made fun of me for not putting socks on my child, I luckily found an adorable pair in her accessory diaper bag. I have socks, bows, outfits galore in there. (It's not so much a diaper bag as I had 1 diaper and an empty wipe container) I have got to figure out how to dress a baby for colder weather. And pack a diaper bag with something other than accessories.
So we made due by putting a blanket (which I actually had) over C while she was in the baby bjorn(yes I kept a very careful eye on her. I promise it was safe.). She was not the least bit happy. She screamed half the time we were there.  Just ask the other pumpkin patchers on the hay ride. They were ecstatic when we got out to look for a pumpkin.
She finally fell asleep for the rest of our adventure. So we only have 2 cute pictures of her at the pumpkin patch. Nothing like what I envisioned. I contemplated getting her asleep little body out and propping her up by a pumpkin but I just couldn't do it.

But there's always next year, right? Not if you ask Mat. He's already voted that we skip the pumpkin patch next year...

She's clearly ecstatic...
might be the only picture that she wasn't screaming or sleeping.

at least 2 of us are smiling...
I seriously love this pic.

CC discovering a pumpkin

Carter picking flowers for his mama

Brooke & CC - with her adorable pumpkin hat.
(why didn't I think of that?!)

the Santas...
Pretty much captures them perfectly =)

like a kid in a candy store...

tired family headed home...

So another valuable lesson learned. Be flexible. Have a back up plan. Learn how to pack a diaper bag.

Apparently I'm a newbie...

aka I was a great mom until I had a baby...

As it turns out, I am quite the novice at this whole motherhood business. It's only been 8 weeks and I've made mistakes that would make you embarrassed for me.

If you would have asked me 9 months ago, I would have told you that I had this whole parenthood thing figured out. After all I've taught elementary school for 8 years. (Elementary school. Like 5-12 year olds. Not newborns.) I knew the catch phrases, read some books, subscribed to Baby Center, googled researched every question known to man,  had seen several friends parent the "right"& the "wrong" way and just knew their experience would be our education. Armchair parenting is what my friend Heather calls it - and I was a whiz at it.

Ha.

Sooooo.... guess which mama went to church last Sunday and didn't put any diapers in the diaper bag? Yep. It really happened. Then my daughter had a huge blow-out during communion (!) and I was left to search through the church nursery for diapers. LUCKILY there was one that was 4 sizes too big. Better too big than too small right? And it was such a big blow-out that I didn't have enough wipes. LUCKILY they had plenty of wipes. Oh geez. You would think I would learn. Nope. The next day I left my parents' house for a morning of errands with my mom and left my hooter hider AND any blankets (after all its 100+ degrees - who needs blankets?!) at home. Thankfully my dear friend Andrea lent me hers and I didn't have to show the world the "ladies".  Oh heavens.

And apparently you have to make babies take naps? No book I read told me that! It just said that babies sleep 14-16 hours a day. Easy right? They fall asleep if they are tired and stay awake if not...just like me. Apparently not. I knew some friends had "sleepers" (And between you and me those friends also left the hospital in their pre-prego jeans. yeah right. ) Well my child clearly wasn't ever tired because she didn't take any naps. At all. But she cried like crazy because she had colic. reflux. newborn fussiness. an immature nervous system. was over-stimulated. whatever - it wasn't because she was tired. Well I learned that you have to make them take naps.  True. You have to watch for drowsy signs after only 1-2 hours of awake time and then soothe them to sleep. Huh. Very interesting. I just thought my child wasn't a sleeper. And now that I know that...she doesn't seem that colicky any more. She's not exactly the Happiest Baby on the Block - but she is much happier.  And is getting fat rolls. The wonders of sleep. We are on day 3 in a row of her getting at least 3 naps of 2-3 hours each. (Now as soon as I say that - she will flip a switch and throw me for a loop, but I'm enjoying it as much as I can.)

clueless.

My poor baby. Luckily her daddy's a doctor - surely he has this whole parenthood business figured out, right? Ha.

Please don't tell my pediatrician....

Who knew?

So I'll be totally honest. I had NO idea what I was in for with this whole newborn stage. People told me I'd be tired. They said I would be busy and feel overwhelmed. I didn't listen. Not me. I'm a multi-tasker. I just knew I'd be back to my 5 am runs within a week or two and that I'd have this little lady on a schedule - MY schedule in no time. Ha. I've learned this week that motherhood is truly something you don't get until you live it.

Here's a few things that the "books" never tell you:

-Newborns really don't sleep as much as the books say they do. Not sure who wrote those books...but not a mom.
-In order to go to the bathroom you will need to put a bouncy seat in the bathroom with you. As mentioned in a previous post I am having some "issues" and spend quite a bit of time in there each day. So does Campbell - on the bouncy seat. (gross I know...) Same goes for taking a shower. Oh and if they start screaming like a teradactyl part way through - you won't actually finish getting ready.
-Dinner with your husband involves taking turns. One eats, one bounces on the exercise ball with the baby. Forget watching a movie or listening to nice music - there's no need since you can't hear it over the hum of the vacuum used to soothe the baby.
-Newborns cry. A lot. Even when they take zantac for the tummies. And they need to be held. A lot. And they poop. A lot.
-Your house becomes a mess. It looks like Fisher Price exploded everywhere. No matter how many times I SWORE I wouldn't be that mom - I am. There are burp clothes, bouncy chairs, swings, boppies, socks, blankets, pacifiers, etc...everywhere.   It's a good day if I get the bed made and the dishwasher unloaded. Anything else is a bonus.

And you know what? I wouldn't trade it for the world. For all the "stressful" things they don't teach you in the books - there are a thousand wonderful things they don't teach you either: the feeling of your baby reaching up and putting there tiny arm around your neck; the quiet moments early in the morning when it's just the two of you awake; having their itty bitty body fall asleep on your chest; the smile they give you right as they are falling asleep; the precious little noises they make. It is truly wonderful. In short, I LOVE my new full time job. My boss is a little demanding and kind of loud, but I am head over heels in love with her and wouldn't change it for the world.

When I feel really overwhelmed I can't help but think - I was supposed to be doing this for two babies. I should be nursing two babies. I should be waking up with two babies. I should be changing two baby's diapers. I should be pushing a double BOB stroller on my walks.  I should be hauling two car seats in and out of the car. And I'm not. I would gladly be overwhelmed with the newborn stage  - times two - if it meant Parker was here with us.

Don't get me wrong, I am incredibly thankful for my baby girl ... but I'd be lying if I didn't say that there is still a part of me longing for her sister to be here with us.

La La Land...

We're getting very little sleep around the Good house these days.

One of us has colic

or reflux

or gas

or is a newborn

or something.... who knows.

We've tried everything and are headed to the doc tomorrow...

I woke up from a blissful nap this evening and found this...

Love these two with my whole heart.

"God's mercies are new every morning" (whenever your "morning" might be...)

PS: They didn't mean to color coordinate. We don't roll that way around here...

ibuprofen, stool softeners & coffee...

aka welcome to motherhood

It is seriously hard to believe that I have been a mom for 2 weeks now.  It is unreal how much your life changes when you bring your little darling home from the hospital. I mean, I thought I knew what I was in for. After all I've watched several friends become moms. It's easy, right? Kind of like a Betsy Wetsy doll only with cute outfits and big bows. Ha! Rock.my.world.  

Mat headed back to work on Saturday and C & I have been learning how to navigate the ends and outs of everyday life - just the two of us.  We've been somewhat successful. We've ventured out each day: Target, Gap, Starbucks & Whole Foods - you know the necessities. We've both gotten clean and dressed each day. And at least one of us has eaten. You can guess who. 

Being the food lover that I am, I have NEVER understood how anyone could forget to eat. I mean seriously....?! Now I get it. All of a sudden, noon rolls around and I realize I feel kind of light headed. Oh thats because I've only had my staple breakfast: ibuprofen, stool softeners & coffee - lots of it. Ibuprofen - to take care of the after birth aches and pains. (Much better than the vicaden I was on.) Stool softeners - (yep all modestly went out the window with childbirth) well I don't know if it's due to the procedure I had or a common side effect of childbirth (or maybe from breast feeding??) but things just aren't quite as regular as I'd prefer. And the coffee - pretty much self explanatory. I've never needed/loved coffee so much in my life. Thank goodness there is a starbucks with in walking distance.
Which brings me to the next subject. Sleep. Sleep is hard to get much of right now. In order to fatten up the little lady, I am feeding her every 2 hours - more if she's hungry. And it takes about an hour to feed. So do the math. 1 hour on the boob. 1 hour off.  Nights and days run together. I've started watching all kinds of ridiculous shows in the middle of the night. (TV shows in the middle of the night are a blog in and of themselves)

Oh and this motherhood business? Oh my. Don't get me wrong - I'm loving every single moment of it. Even when my little lady is squawking like a teradactyle. But all of a sudden, I can't help but wonder if everything I do is going to screw her up. Will she end up in therapy one day because I either held her too much or not enough? The responsibility is unreal - yet beautiful at the same time. The fact that I am responsible for making sure this teeny tiny person grows up to become a healthy contributing part of society is a pretty big deal.

Schedules. Sleep habits. Calming techniques. Feeding. Pooping. Peeing. Weight gain. Vaccinations. It's amazing what my life has become in only 2 weeks...