Lessons from flying with a toddler: Another adventure in parenthood

I used to be a fearless flier. I have literally flown all over the world twice. I've flown to Mexico countless times. I've flown all over the US several times. It was easy. I enjoyed it. It was no big deal.

And then I had a baby.
And now I hate it.

Like "sick at my stomach for a week before our flight" type of hatred. I can't really explain it but I just don't like the feeling of being trapped. Not to mention the fear of free falling to the ground at ungodly speeds while being trapped and holding my child. I know - it's so silly...but I'm just being honest.

So anyways we flew this week. And for the past week I dreaded it. I feared what could happen. I talked to friends about it. I learned how to "tap it out" {Thanks nicole} It wasn't so much the thought of "how to I keep my extremely mobile toddler contained & content for 2 hours. It was the "what ifs" that drove me crazy. Campbell has always been an awesome flier. She has flown 5 times in her short little life and I love to brag about how well she does...how easy it is to fly with a baby...etc. We've gotten complimented on every single flight we've taken her on about how great she was. Of course I just swell with pride and agree each time.

We were totally prepared to travel with a toddler. Books: check. iPad games: check. snacks: check. water: check. diapers/wipes: check. We were golden. {it took 13 months but i finally learned how to pack the stupid diaper bag} Let's just say things didn't go according to plan...enter my lessons learned.

1) It's not a good sign when someone nods at your child & asks you, "Is she a good flier?" before deciding if they will sit by you. We're just going to call this lady Cranky Passenger (CP for short). And she even claimed to be a grandmother. Yeah Right. Crank-a-licious. Big Time.

2) Distracting a toddler for 2 hours is an art.  My child wants to move. constantly. Keeping her distracted & happy for two hours takes skill. My tactics had to change as fast as her attention span. This takes ninja like skills. Lets just say that several rounds of "If you're happy & You know it" were sung, several games of Peek-a-Boo baby were played on the ipad, she ate an entire box of Annie's bunnies and drank at least 2 full sippies of water. And for heaven sakes, CP was sitting next to her and I wasn't about to let her decide my perfect baby was NOT a "good flier".

3) The warm stuff coming from your child? It's not her sippy cup. Yep that's right I got peed on. Majorly. Three times. And while I'm so thankful it wasn't brown & warm, I was still soaked. And my perfectly packed diaper bag? No change of clothes. {come on, I had to squeeze my laptop in...something had to go} So I proceeded to keep distracting my child, hide the urine odor that had covered my dripping wet child & me and somehow keep CP from discovering what had happened to her her "good flier" neighbor. Crap.

4) Not all airplane bathrooms have changing tables. Are you kidding me??? There wasn't even room for me to STAND in the bathroom. I had to make my child stand on the toliet, change her diaper while she tried to keep her balance during turbulence, wring her dripping wet shorts out in the sink, put them back on and then go to the bathroom myself. Now THAT takes ninja like skills.

5) Order a cocktail. That's right. I dare you to judge me for drinking on an airplane in the afternoon while traveling with my child. Did I mention I'm ridiculously scared of flying also? And that I had just been peed on? And that CP was sitting in our row? Go ahead. Judge away. But I've decided that's the only way to fly from now on. Don't get hammered for goodness sake, but have a drink to calm the nerves a bit. Especially if turbulence is involved. Enter lesson #5.

6) Turbulence sucks. So last year we were in HORRIBLE turbulence. Our plane LITERALLY FELL for 10 seconds. Or maybe only 2, but it felt like an eternity. All while I was nursing my 5 week old baby. Luckily this wasn't that bad. BUT because of crappy weather we were forced to fly circles around DIA for FORTY-FIVE minutes while it cleared. FORTY-FIVE extra minutes with CP (who by this point had gotten on to other passengers for playing with their digital cameras and actually told them to read the rules in the back of the magazine. Swear. I can't make this stuff up), FORTY-FIVE extra minutes with a child who's jean shorts are SOAKED with pee, as is her mother, who is still singing "If you're happy & you know it" for the hundredth time. FORTY-FIVE extra minutes of turbulence. It was past dinner time. It was bed time for goodness sake.

7) Do NOT pack all of your babies "stuff" in the same bag. It will get lost. Yep. Sure did. So we finally arrived only to discover that one of our bags had been "misplaced". Of course it held every option of clothing for my wet & now chaffing child. Totally completely lost. Thankfully the most wonderful Uncle Marshall ran to target to buy his poor little niece some pj's & a cute outfit and met us when we left the airport.


It totally could've been worse. It really could have. But I'm just going to be honest...driving looks better and better every time.